hope /hōp/ n. 1. a feeling of expectation & desire for a certain thing to happen 2. grounds for believing that something good may happen. v. 1. to want something to happen or be the case 2. to intend, if possible, to do something
Optimistic. Aspire. Wish. Goals. Plan. Intention. Faith.
When I became a grown up, I started GIVING. At my core, I’m sure that every person has everything in them they need to be all they want to be. And I decided it was my responsibility to help people see that in themselves. I was always baffled about how people could look at another human being in need and not care enough to do anything about it. Bleeding effin’ heart. I dedicated my professional life to that for very personal reasons. I have since worked in some seriously difficult and sometimes dangerous situations because I can’t fathom NOT helping. I love that about myself and really wouldn’t have it any other way.
But there is a whole lot of merit in BALANCE. I’ve spent a big ol’ chunk of my adulthood focused on building people up, meanwhile ignoring some key elements of all the awesomeness that is me. [See the ‘This Woman Right Here‘ section for explanation of said awesomeness.] I still live and work to see people do better (and still enjoy it), but I am balancing out all my do-gooder-ness. My kitchen cabinet overflows with quoteable coffee mugs that are unapologetically glass-half-full, but fifteen years in the game, my strategy and motivation is undergoing a major makeover. Living martydom is so passe’.
That brings us here, to The Chronicles of a Hope Fiend, a place where I plan to navigate this as weirdly and uncomfortably as I need to. Pardon me if I get a little Nikki Giovanni or Assata Shakur on you. It happens. I won’t pretend to be Maya Angelou or promise to get all Deepak Chopra on you. Real talk, this blog isn’t even for you. It’s a selfish expression of all the crazy that goes on in my head. And we ALL have our own type of crazy (a blog for another day). Should you actually arrive at some place of self-actualization because of something I said, that would be some cool shit that I’d be pretty happy about.
Please don’t confuse this here with ‘Confessions of a Hope Fiend‘ (the book) or ‘DopelessHopeFiend.com‘ (a website for recovering addicts). Do expect to see what evolution looks like when you have given yourself permission to not get it right all of the time. I broke up with religion for spirituality, so since the Universe is perfect, me and all my personalities, must be too.
So welcome to the Chronicles. Read, laugh, comment, whatever. Do YOU up in this piece. Random FYI–I drop F-bombs daily and it don’t detract from my shine.
Until there’s more dopealiciousness to share…
The Chronicles of a Hope Fiend 
You know, I am thoughtfully considering a book I have in me called “The Lifter”. Actually I see it as a movie, ’cause I’m a movie fanatic and love the whole cinematography and clandestine storytelling– the kind where you have to recognize the “color” designated for the movie, or the stars of it, and pick up other clues as to the outcome as you trip along. Wow, I see so much of me in some of the things you’ve said, but much of it people just don’t get. Why do you think that is? Are we all just too afraid to let people really know who we are, or more to the point, are we just too afraid to see for ourselves. I mean, most of us have some “do-gooder” in us and would want to help out somebody at least sometime. But the rare quality in some of us is that we actually get a high from it. It comes with a price though pretty lady. The bumpy ride may land you on somebody’s couch, or deep into a box of chocolate. Just know you’re in good company here, and I’m ok with me.
Or on somebody’s couch WITH a box of chocolate. 🙂